After the Liturgy of the Hours this evening for the Feast of St. Stephen the Deacon-Protomartyr, I experienced a meditation moment of prayer that I have not had in a long time.
It was like watching a movie, in a sense. It was not a vision, but it was of the same species as that of my lectio divina meditations on the Gospels during my diaconate formation.
I gladly submit the following to the judgment of Holy Church, and I am happy to recant if anything is contrary to the faith and morals of our Catholic Faith.
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I meditated on a teenage girl with a newborn. They were in poverty.
I was dressed in my gold dalmatic. St. Joseph was not around.
I interiorly said, "Blessed Mother." I then reflected on those two words.
As I approached the girl, I lowered my eyes because I felt myself not pure enough to be before her. I wanted to go to Confession (even though I was not in mortal sin).
She turned to her left where an angelic being was standing and asked, "Who is he?"
The angel replied, "He is your servant."
She noticed the double dalmatic stripes on me and was familiar with them. Roman servants also wore dalmatics with the same double stripes but she thought the stripes on my dalmatic were unusually large. Regardless, she knew that I was a servant.
She then happily walked over to me, raised me up, and invited me to see her Son.
I don't remember her handing me the Baby, but at some point I held the Baby. I was in wonder. I was in wonder the way one would be with any newborn.
As a father of five who was present at the birth of all of my five kids, there is something about newborn movement that is slow and profound. This was the first wonder I experienced.
This Baby was larger than my own five babies when they were born. I pondered how this Baby was the Savior of the world. I marveled at the Baby's slow movements.
I then looked in the Baby's eyes, and I saw wisdom! Then, with his human baby eyes, I thought of how I was happy to give my entire life with its many hardships for this Baby. I felt resolve.
I wrapped the Baby in my dalmatic. I thought, "After all, this dalmatic belongs to You." I wanted to keep the Baby warm. It was cold the way it is cold outside now.
At some point, I next remembered what I believe is from Bl. Anne Catherine's meditations. Bl. Anne Catherine said that during the Nativity, the Baby Jesus experienced blows upon his little personhood as if the blows were real. He feebly tried to ward off the blows with His small hands.
At that thought, I thought of the rejections I've felt in my preaching which came to my mind's eye. The rejections seemed to start with Homily #61 and continued to Homily #80. I've been more bold lately, especially about the Church's moral teachings on life, family and marriage.
The rejections were like being stoned or receiving blows. Humanly speaking, no one likes rejection.
In my meditations, I arrived at another crucial moment. I wholeheartedly said, "Yes." This was climatic. The sense was that I finally accepted these rejections as if they were blows intended for the Baby Jesus. It gave me great peace (because I focused less on myself and more on the Baby).
As Baby Jesus was wrapped in the front part of my dalmatic, thusly, it wasn't just the physical cold weather I was shielding Him from. Rather, I used my body to shield him from the spiritual blows of a rejected message. Some blows fell upon me instead the Baby.
My "yes" was a moment of acceptance.
There, my meditation ended because my wife brought our one-year old baby daughter, Baby Hope, into the room.
I "snapped out" of my prayer when I heard my daughter cry. I heard Baby Jesus in my baby daughter. My wife then nursed her.
I watched my wife and daughter and marveled how I was given a gift for Christmas.
I was happy. I was grateful.
What a gift! And what a gift during the Feast of St. Stephen!
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