Accompanying Divorced Catholics (Homily #80)

Total Catholics reached today: 1500-2100 (500-700 per Mass)

10am

8am

12pm (partial due to baptism during Mass)
[Addendum: On Dec. 29, 2016, I reflected on my errors @ 12pm HERE.]

Homily #80

Accompanying Divorced Catholics

December 4, 2016

In today’s Gospel, John the Baptist gives us the theme for the 2^nd Sunday of Advent: Repentance and conversion.  Repentance or conversion is not just a little change of mind, but it is a radical change of mind.  It is a complete change of mind.  According to Ignatius Loyola’s Spiritual Exercises, conversion can be either instant or gradual.  It can be fast or slow.

Whether conversion is instant or gradual, there is no better way to prepare for Christmas than conversion especially in our family life.  I’d like to particularly reach out to those with broken family relationships.  As a married permanent deacon with a family, I have one foot in the marriage and family world, and I have another foot in the ordained clergy world.  So, naturally, improving family life throughout our parish community is fitting.  To use the words of John the Baptist, let us produce as a parish good fruits as evidence of repentance and preparation. 

Also, Sister Lucia, to whom Mary appeared in Fatima, Portugal, 99 years ago, wrote, “The final battle between Our Lord and Satan will be over family and marriage.”  We are to do our part to “make straight his path” in this spiritual battle.

But to do this, I’d like to hit and heal the root.  The root here is the sacramental bond of marriage.  I’m not going to focus on important things like communication skills, finances, etc.  I’m not a professional marriage counselor.  Rather, I’m going to focus on the foundation, one that will allow graces, blessings and healing to flow, perhaps even re-opening old wounds that may have not yet healed properly.

I

There are two groups to help heal here:  The first is couples that are only civilly married or even just simply living together without the bond of marriage.  For this Advent, this is a warm invitation to change one’s mind about their (secular) views on marriage — to have a more Christian view – and convalidate the marriage with the Church if married only civilly.

A couple recently told me they were going to get married at the local City Hall.  I had to explain to them that, esp. for Catholics, if a marriage took place at City Hall, the Church does not recognize this as a valid marriage, and the Catholic would need to refrain from receiving Holy Communion.  Thankfully, they changed their mind and decided to get married by the Church.  They had a conversion moment.

The reason I said this is that the vow – the “I do” -- between a baptized man and a baptized woman before a Catholic priest or delegated deacon is what makes it valid and a Sacrament.  It is indissoluble.  Not even the Church can break this bond.

II

This leads to the second group to heal: those that have experienced the pain of divorce.  Pope Francis wrote in Joy of Love that the increase in divorces is “very troubling” (AL 246).  After the Synod on the Family, the Pope called Church members to “accompany” (AL 242) separated and divorced Catholics.  We are to smell like the sheep, even if it means leaving our comfort zone.  In a sense, the women and children that experienced divorce are the new widows and orphans of our time.  They are the new poor, the neglected, the abandoned, the brokenhearted. 

As it is written in our Responsorial Psalm, “For he shall rescue the poor when he cries out, and the afflicted when he has no one to help him”.  Just as the first seven deacons brought the neglected before the Apostles, so too with my diaconate office I bring these new widows and orphans to you, today’s Church.  What can we do to accompany and protect these new widows and orphans, especially during Advent?

Other than material support, which is important, one of those ways is to have a better understanding of what is commonly called an annulment.  A more proper name is a Declaration of Nullity.  It is part of the Church’s healing ministry.

[SLOW:] A Declaration of Nullity is a declaration by a Church Tribunal that what appeared to be a marriage was, in fact, not a true marriage.  After careful study, the Tribunal makes a declaration of nullity when it is proven that some ingredient necessary for a true marriage was lacking during vows.  For example, maybe one of the spouses did not intend marriage the way the Church understands marriage.

[I’m quoting here info. from the Diocesan Tribunal website: “Divorce of itself does not prohibit a Catholic from receiving the sacraments or limit his/her involvement in the Church. However, Church discipline holds that divorced Catholics who remarry without a declaration of nullity may not receive the Eucharist. The Church encourages such Catholics to continue practicing their Catholic faith and being active in the Church in all other ways, assuring them of God’s love; and reminding pastors that these persons are entitled to pastoral care.”]

The annulment process can involve a lot, but it helps heal the anger and hurtful memories.  It can put closure in a way that a civil divorce cannot (because it carries the authority of Christ the Healer and His Church). It patches deep wounds. 

So is an annulment this necessary?  Yes (and it is ok even if one does not have any definitive plans to re-marry in the future).  Why?  It’s simple: Because on the one hand, the Church upholds Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce; on the other hand, the Church uphold Jesus’ healing ministry through a Marriage Tribunal.   

III

To the women (children) affected by divorce, I have this personal message for you:

I’m happy to see you.  I’m happy to see you at Mass.  It is in the Mass that we are in communion with God, each other, and those that have gone before us in death.

I know that you have been hurt.  I know the wound goes deep.  It goes deep perhaps because you have loved deeply and trusted deeply.

I don’t know all the circumstances.  But I’ve seen sadness in your eyes.  I’ve heard of the hardships.  And these pain me to see and hear (even after all these years).

I say these things because it is the best way I know how to help, to protect you, for you to be happy.  The remedy is love.  I would not bring up an annulment to harm you, but rather because we care about your wellbeing. 

When one part of the Body of Christ hurts, the other parts of the Body hurt, too.  I invite (& even beg you), w/bended knees & clasp hands, to seek an annulment.

In closing, we Catholics are called to harmoniously think with the heart and mind of the Church on family life this Advent season.  I close w/the words from St. Paul in the 2^nd Reading (Rom.): May the God of endurance & encouragement grant you to think in harmony w/one another in keeping w/Christ Jesus, that you may glorify the God & Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, with one accord and with one voice.