Annual Family Christmas Newsletter

The Homily That Never Was

I am complicated by training.  But I am simple when childlike.

I'm simple when I trust the Holy Spirit.  I screw up when I trust myself.

People like simplicity.  The Word of God is simple.

I confess: I get in the way of myself.  "I...I....I...."  I get in the way of the power of the Holy Spirit working in me, and I focus on the self.  It is a form of pride.

Perhaps this was most evident in the case of 1 of the 3 homilies I preached on the same day: the 8am, 10am, 12pm Masses.

I prepared an 8-minute homily for each of the 3 Masses.  It was polished and thought out for some time.

For the 8am and 10am, people seemed to react quite well and receive the message with open hearts (at least given the feedback I received after those 2 Masses).

After the 8am Mass, a professional public motivational speaker (who always greeted me at this Mass), said, "What advice can you give me for a talk I'm gonna give?"  My mind went blank as I looked down.

After a few seconds, I thought of the Holy Spirit, and I without much thought replied, "Speak your heart.  People can see when you're not yourself."

He hugged me and said, "I love you, bruh."  In a sense, it was a critical message for me, too: Be yourself.

The same happened at the 10am.  By the time the 10am Mass was done, as I greeted parishioners out the door, pretty much most people were thanking me for the preaching.  One guy said, "You outdid yourself."

BUT the 12pm was different.  No one said anything afterwards-- nothing good, nothing bad. 

So what happened?

Here's what (a) I think happened and (b) I think should have happened:

What happened: I had to cut my homily due to a baptism.  I planned for 8 minutes.  I needed to cut it in half.  But I was not myself.  I was full of fear.  Relying on my own efforts, I stuck to routine and my comfort zone.  As I was up at the ambo, I started to just randomly cut out entire paragraphs during the 12pm Mass.  The message was disjointed and choppy.

What Should Have Happened: I should have trusted the Holy Spirit, instead of rely on me, myself and I.  I should have been myself, and I wasn't.  After I chanted, "The Gospel of the Lord," the thought occurred to me to put the prepared text of the homily down.      ....and to simply speak from my heart without my prepared text.  I should moved away from the ambo (pulpit) and moved in front of the altar to preach a simple message.  I should have spoken my heart.

So that's what happened and what should have happened.

Anyways, the story doesn't end there, because there must be some greater good that will result from my 12pm screw-up.

A couple of weeks after the 12pm preaching, as I reflected on what happened and how things could have been better, I went to the church by myself during the week (I was on vacay). 

Nobody was in the church.  I turned on the microphone and said what I should have said without my notes. 

Like John the Baptist, I was "preaching in the desert" with no one listening. 

A certain Fr. Brian once told me, "Have you thought about preaching without using a prepared text?"  At the time, I dismissed it and only did this during the smaller daily Masses and not the weekend Sunday Masses.  After all, the Fathers wrote their homilies and sermons, and we have some of them to this day.  But for the 12pm Mass, Father Brian had a point here.  And I missed the opportunity.  I should have placed the text down. 

Maybe, at some point, at the end of the homily, I should have literally and physically knelt in front of the assembly with hands claps begging for conversion towards strengthening the family.

Here is a recording of what that 12pm could have looked like:

 

So the message for preachers, but first and foremost to me is: Be yourself!  Be who God meant you to be.

Deacon Pete Lobo, one of my brother deacons and mentors, said the same thing: Be yourself. 

People will notice when you're not yourself. 

Perhaps that's what they saw at the 12pm.

* * *

POST-SCRIPT

Love is stronger!

"I'm Gonna Stand By You" by Rachel Platten

____________________________________________________

The alternative title of this web blog is "Homily That Never Was (A Homiletics Lesson For Me)."  This reflection is providential in light of this article from Homiletic & Pastoral Review surveying papal teaching on preaching HERE.

My Christmas Meditation on Baby Jesus

After the Liturgy of the Hours this evening for the Feast of St. Stephen the Deacon-Protomartyr, I experienced a meditation moment of prayer that I have not had in a long time. 

It was like watching a movie, in a sense.  It was not a vision, but it was of the same species as that of my lectio divina meditations on the Gospels during my diaconate formation.

I gladly submit the following to the judgment of Holy Church, and I am happy to recant if anything is contrary to the faith and morals of our Catholic Faith.

+

I meditated on a teenage girl with a newborn.  They were in poverty. 

I was dressed in my gold dalmatic.  St. Joseph was not around.

I interiorly said, "Blessed Mother."  I then reflected on those two words.


As I approached the girl, I lowered my eyes because I felt myself not pure enough to be before her.  I wanted to go to Confession (even though I was not in mortal sin).

She turned to her left where an angelic being was standing and asked, "Who is he?"

The angel replied, "He is your servant."

She noticed the double dalmatic stripes on me and was familiar with them.  Roman servants also wore dalmatics with the same double stripes but she thought the stripes on my dalmatic were unusually large.  Regardless, she knew that I was a servant.

She then happily walked over to me, raised me up, and invited me to see her Son.

I don't remember her handing me the Baby, but at some point I held the Baby.  I was in wonder.  I was in wonder the way one would be with any newborn.

As a father of five who was present at the birth of all of my five kids, there is something about newborn movement that is slow and profound.  This was the first wonder I experienced.

This Baby was larger than my own five babies when they were born.  I pondered how this Baby was the Savior of the world.  I marveled at the Baby's slow movements.

I then looked in the Baby's eyes, and I saw wisdom!  Then, with his human baby eyes, I thought of how I was happy to give my entire life with its many hardships for this Baby.  I felt resolve.

I wrapped the Baby in my dalmatic.  I thought, "After all, this dalmatic belongs to You."   I wanted to keep the Baby warm.  It was cold the way it is cold outside now.

At some point, I next remembered what I believe is from Bl. Anne Catherine's meditations.  Bl. Anne Catherine said that during the Nativity, the Baby Jesus experienced blows upon his little personhood as if the blows were real.  He feebly tried to ward off the blows with His small hands.

At that thought, I thought of the rejections I've felt in my preaching which came to my mind's eye.  The rejections seemed to start with Homily #61 and continued to Homily #80.  I've been more bold lately, especially about the Church's moral teachings on life, family and marriage. 

The rejections were like being stoned or receiving blows.  Humanly speaking, no one likes rejection.

In my meditations, I arrived at another crucial moment.  I wholeheartedly said, "Yes."  This was climatic.  The sense was that I finally accepted these rejections as if they were blows intended for the Baby Jesus.  It gave me great peace (because I focused less on myself and more on the Baby).

As Baby Jesus was wrapped in the front part of my dalmatic, thusly, it wasn't just the physical cold weather I was shielding Him from.  Rather, I used my body to shield him from the spiritual blows of a rejected message.  Some blows fell upon me instead the Baby.

My "yes" was a moment of acceptance.

There, my meditation ended because my wife brought our one-year old baby daughter, Baby Hope, into the room. 

I "snapped out" of my prayer when I heard my daughter cry.  I heard Baby Jesus in my baby daughter.  My wife then nursed her. 

I watched my wife and daughter and marveled how I was given a gift for Christmas.

I was happy.  I was grateful.


What a gift!  And what a gift during the Feast of St. Stephen!

Rite for the Blessing of a Child in the Womb (Outside Mass)

Solemnity of the Nativity

Sunday, December 25, 2016

[Homily #81]

Nativity Re-enactment w/Kids

Sat., Dec. 25, 2016, St. Catherine's, Vallejo, CA

The Significance of Dec. 23

It must have been Dec. 23, 1990.  I would have been a high school junior.

I was at Fr. Norman Segovia's anniversary celebration as a priest.  It was at the Cano Residence in San Jose, California.

A member of the Legion of Mary, Bro. Edgar Villanueva, asked me if I thought about the priesthood.

I told him that the life of the new parish deacon appealed to me.  I said that I felt called to be married.

He simply said, "Okay."


And that was it. 

It was the first time in my memory that someone encouraged me to be a married permanent deacon.

It was at a simple gathering.  No fanfare.  No fireworks.

It was someone in the parish who encouraged me.  God's people asked me.

The rest is history.


(I first blogged about it in more detail HERE.)

A Dream of Three Demons

I had a dream of what I believe were 3 demons.

I was at a dinner table.  Tove Ann was seated to my left.

The demon in front of me took human form of a woman.  I went to touch the "woman" with my left hand and the demon said to me, "Why do you touch me with your impurities?"

Then there was a demon to my right.  It also took the form of a woman but this image looked charcoaled and in agony.

The third demon was the image of a woman's head on the table.  It was constantly vomiting.  Tove Ann said, "Gross!"

I picked up the vomiting head and threw it off the table.

I woke up in the middle of the night.  I didn't wake up Tove Ann.

Later in the day, I told her.

My sense was that it meant to pray for souls in purgatory.

As I write this, I think that it could just mean Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory.

This dream is such a contrast to my previous dream of Christ and the devil which I blogged about HERE.

My Reason for the Blog Name

This blog name "Mary's Deacon" is more for me (rather than to tell my audience who I am).

It reminds me that I am a deacon because of her.

I am preaching to myself with the blog name.

I am preaching to me first before preaching to others.

SR Chancery Christmas 2016 Photo

(Photo courtesy of Stephen Morris)

What I Wrote When Offered the SR Chancery Role 3+ Years Ago

From the land of the oak /

to the redwood empire of the holy rose /

the Beloved dispatches me /

to be crucified once again

for love of His flock.

(Aug. 2013)

Accompanying Divorced Catholics (Homily #80)

Total Catholics reached today: 1500-2100 (500-700 per Mass)

10am

8am

12pm (partial due to baptism during Mass)
[Addendum: On Dec. 29, 2016, I reflected on my errors @ 12pm HERE.]

Homily #80

Accompanying Divorced Catholics

December 4, 2016

In today’s Gospel, John the Baptist gives us the theme for the 2^nd Sunday of Advent: Repentance and conversion.  Repentance or conversion is not just a little change of mind, but it is a radical change of mind.  It is a complete change of mind.  According to Ignatius Loyola’s Spiritual Exercises, conversion can be either instant or gradual.  It can be fast or slow.

Whether conversion is instant or gradual, there is no better way to prepare for Christmas than conversion especially in our family life.  I’d like to particularly reach out to those with broken family relationships.  As a married permanent deacon with a family, I have one foot in the marriage and family world, and I have another foot in the ordained clergy world.  So, naturally, improving family life throughout our parish community is fitting.  To use the words of John the Baptist, let us produce as a parish good fruits as evidence of repentance and preparation. 

Also, Sister Lucia, to whom Mary appeared in Fatima, Portugal, 99 years ago, wrote, “The final battle between Our Lord and Satan will be over family and marriage.”  We are to do our part to “make straight his path” in this spiritual battle.

But to do this, I’d like to hit and heal the root.  The root here is the sacramental bond of marriage.  I’m not going to focus on important things like communication skills, finances, etc.  I’m not a professional marriage counselor.  Rather, I’m going to focus on the foundation, one that will allow graces, blessings and healing to flow, perhaps even re-opening old wounds that may have not yet healed properly.

I

There are two groups to help heal here:  The first is couples that are only civilly married or even just simply living together without the bond of marriage.  For this Advent, this is a warm invitation to change one’s mind about their (secular) views on marriage — to have a more Christian view – and convalidate the marriage with the Church if married only civilly.

A couple recently told me they were going to get married at the local City Hall.  I had to explain to them that, esp. for Catholics, if a marriage took place at City Hall, the Church does not recognize this as a valid marriage, and the Catholic would need to refrain from receiving Holy Communion.  Thankfully, they changed their mind and decided to get married by the Church.  They had a conversion moment.

The reason I said this is that the vow – the “I do” -- between a baptized man and a baptized woman before a Catholic priest or delegated deacon is what makes it valid and a Sacrament.  It is indissoluble.  Not even the Church can break this bond.

II

This leads to the second group to heal: those that have experienced the pain of divorce.  Pope Francis wrote in Joy of Love that the increase in divorces is “very troubling” (AL 246).  After the Synod on the Family, the Pope called Church members to “accompany” (AL 242) separated and divorced Catholics.  We are to smell like the sheep, even if it means leaving our comfort zone.  In a sense, the women and children that experienced divorce are the new widows and orphans of our time.  They are the new poor, the neglected, the abandoned, the brokenhearted. 

As it is written in our Responsorial Psalm, “For he shall rescue the poor when he cries out, and the afflicted when he has no one to help him”.  Just as the first seven deacons brought the neglected before the Apostles, so too with my diaconate office I bring these new widows and orphans to you, today’s Church.  What can we do to accompany and protect these new widows and orphans, especially during Advent?

Other than material support, which is important, one of those ways is to have a better understanding of what is commonly called an annulment.  A more proper name is a Declaration of Nullity.  It is part of the Church’s healing ministry.

[SLOW:] A Declaration of Nullity is a declaration by a Church Tribunal that what appeared to be a marriage was, in fact, not a true marriage.  After careful study, the Tribunal makes a declaration of nullity when it is proven that some ingredient necessary for a true marriage was lacking during vows.  For example, maybe one of the spouses did not intend marriage the way the Church understands marriage.

[I’m quoting here info. from the Diocesan Tribunal website: “Divorce of itself does not prohibit a Catholic from receiving the sacraments or limit his/her involvement in the Church. However, Church discipline holds that divorced Catholics who remarry without a declaration of nullity may not receive the Eucharist. The Church encourages such Catholics to continue practicing their Catholic faith and being active in the Church in all other ways, assuring them of God’s love; and reminding pastors that these persons are entitled to pastoral care.”]

The annulment process can involve a lot, but it helps heal the anger and hurtful memories.  It can put closure in a way that a civil divorce cannot (because it carries the authority of Christ the Healer and His Church). It patches deep wounds. 

So is an annulment this necessary?  Yes (and it is ok even if one does not have any definitive plans to re-marry in the future).  Why?  It’s simple: Because on the one hand, the Church upholds Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce; on the other hand, the Church uphold Jesus’ healing ministry through a Marriage Tribunal.   

III

To the women (children) affected by divorce, I have this personal message for you:

I’m happy to see you.  I’m happy to see you at Mass.  It is in the Mass that we are in communion with God, each other, and those that have gone before us in death.

I know that you have been hurt.  I know the wound goes deep.  It goes deep perhaps because you have loved deeply and trusted deeply.

I don’t know all the circumstances.  But I’ve seen sadness in your eyes.  I’ve heard of the hardships.  And these pain me to see and hear (even after all these years).

I say these things because it is the best way I know how to help, to protect you, for you to be happy.  The remedy is love.  I would not bring up an annulment to harm you, but rather because we care about your wellbeing. 

When one part of the Body of Christ hurts, the other parts of the Body hurt, too.  I invite (& even beg you), w/bended knees & clasp hands, to seek an annulment.

In closing, we Catholics are called to harmoniously think with the heart and mind of the Church on family life this Advent season.  I close w/the words from St. Paul in the 2^nd Reading (Rom.): May the God of endurance & encouragement grant you to think in harmony w/one another in keeping w/Christ Jesus, that you may glorify the God & Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, with one accord and with one voice.